5 and a half years ago, my life consisted of sleeping,burritos and dropping entire paychecks on the Victoria's Secret semi annual sale. I was pretty sure I knew what motherhood would be like. I was wrong. I had visions of sanity,a clean home, and cats that weren't locked in the closet after being soaked with a 4 year old boys urine. Yes, I thought motherhood was one beautiful lucid moment to the next

...and then came Sam.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

I have videos

Sometimes I read my blog, and sometimes I look at the things I write and think "My life is insane" and I think that to some people, the things he does or says must seem impossible. I assure you that they are in fact 100% truthful. If they weren't, I would be outside skipping rocks and planting tulips instead of feverishly trying to blog about my urine and mud fueled angst. Ask anyone who has ever met him, Sam is a different breed. He is fantastic, a true ham...and my best friend. But that kid is giving my sanity a run for it's money.
I digress....I have started taping the things Sam' does on my phone, if I can catch him in the moment. I have about 3 now, and once I figure out how the hell to edit them they will be posted. I am excited, I am excited for you to have even more reasons to laugh at my expense. Until then..Sam has a hammer...

One of the top 5 things you don't want to hear when pulling your squash out of the oven:

"Hey, why did you cook that squash in my pee bowl?"

"You know what I like about robots? They don't even have nuts but they can still beat up robbers." -Sam

Friday, April 2, 2010

Sam, what are you doing with the saran wrap?

Sam: Making a machine

Me: What does it do?

Sam: It's a surprise, I'll be out in a minute.

(5 minutes go by where I can hear my entire roll of Saran Wrap getting ripped out)

Sam: Okay I'm ready!

(he comes out naked, covered in Saran Wrap)

Sam: I'd like to introduce you to the Noodle Hider 3000, for just 40 dollars you can buy it and hide your noodle when people come over and you are naked.

Where you going?

I just have to run to the Tyme machine, I'll be back in a minute...play with Uncle Jordan.

Can I come with you? It's very important.


Because I need to go back in time and see myself as a baby.