5 and a half years ago, my life consisted of sleeping,burritos and dropping entire paychecks on the Victoria's Secret semi annual sale. I was pretty sure I knew what motherhood would be like. I was wrong. I had visions of sanity,a clean home, and cats that weren't locked in the closet after being soaked with a 4 year old boys urine. Yes, I thought motherhood was one beautiful lucid moment to the next

...and then came Sam.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Mom, want to know what I do when I'm bored?

Today was a doozey. During the winter months having a young boy is a lot like keeping a silverback gorilla in your house. I know when I tell people he makes messes, they literally have no comprehension of what I really mean. it's not their fault, I myself didn't know until I had a child that they have a special ability to make a mess out of anything. It's always at the worse time too, what's that? My car needs a new engine? Awesome, because Sam just emptied a bottle of ketchup into my underwear drawer. So, what I'm trying to say is, today was a hard one. The parade of stressful occurances ended with Sam showing me something he does when he is bored...wanna hear about it? Well here you go...

Me: Ugh, baby..You need to lay off Mommy for a while okay?

Sam: Want to know what I do when Im bored?

Me: sure.

(Sam takes me by the hand over to the kitty litter box and proceeds to scrape up about 3 or 4 cat turds. )

Me: Sam, honey get out of the litter box, what are you doing.

(I am so tired and worn out at this point, I barely even whined this to him, and was defeinltey too beat down to even try to stop him.)

Sam: Okay, the first thing you do is get the cat turds, then you open the basement door. Make sure the light is on okay mom?

Me: I dont like where this is going.

Sam: when the door is open and you have the turds, you do this.

(My Son then proceeded to take his shovel full of cat shit, and whip it down the basement stairs at about 60 miles per hour, splattering it against the back wall.)

Sam: See, that's what I do when I'm bored.

I am not kidding when I say, that instead of yelling, I just went into the refrigerator, got a Guiness and laid on the couch. Sometimes, they just win..and today I was glad to throw in the towel. A cold Guiness tastes a whole lot better than yelling at your son and cleaning up cat turds.