5 and a half years ago, my life consisted of sleeping,burritos and dropping entire paychecks on the Victoria's Secret semi annual sale. I was pretty sure I knew what motherhood would be like. I was wrong. I had visions of sanity,a clean home, and cats that weren't locked in the closet after being soaked with a 4 year old boys urine. Yes, I thought motherhood was one beautiful lucid moment to the next
...and then came Sam.
...and then came Sam.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Will someone please explain to me why boys are inherently obsessed with toilets? 90% of my daily cleaning that involves swearing, involves the toilet, and toilet related activities.
Honestly, the only way to avoid this stuff from happening is to follow him around constantly, like I had to when he was an toddler with mush legs. 5 free minutes to Sam, means head to the bathroom and do as much damage as possible.
Tonight Sam came down from bed to go to the bathroom. I figured he was half awake and would be too tired to screw around with the toilet. WRONG
I just went in there 5 minutes ago and found the above situation. Which is an entire roll of toilet paper rolled into the toilet with Venom (spider mans evil twin) thrown on top.
I went upstairs hoping he was still awake and he was. This is how the conversation went..
Me: Sam, why did you do that to the toilet?
Sam: What do you mean?
Me: I mean you rolled all the toilet paper into the toilet and threw venom in there. And now the toilet is clogged.
Sam: that's not venom mom, that is my poop. It just looks like Venom because I watch a lot of Spider man and now my poop looks like him.
Me: Sam, that is not true. You need to be honest with me because you made a big mess and I am very upset right now.
Sam: Okay, well the truth (pronounced Troof) is that Venom told me he was going to kill you, so I threw him in the toilet. I didn't' want you to die mom.
Me: Well thank you, but next time just punch him okay?
Sam: Okay, I'm glad your alive though.
Me: I am too Sam, goodnight.
Well I'm off to fish a evil twin out of the toilet and comprehend why my life has digressed to rescuing superhero shaped pieces of shit.