5 and a half years ago, my life consisted of sleeping,burritos and dropping entire paychecks on the Victoria's Secret semi annual sale. I was pretty sure I knew what motherhood would be like. I was wrong. I had visions of sanity,a clean home, and cats that weren't locked in the closet after being soaked with a 4 year old boys urine. Yes, I thought motherhood was one beautiful lucid moment to the next

...and then came Sam.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

A picture is worth a thousand messes

This was Sam's reply, or "non reply" to me asking him why he destroyed the living room, and emptied all the boxes I just packed.


No..... appropriate.... response...

Me: Sam, we are meeting with a very important person this week, do you remember?

Sam: Who?

Me: She is the head of a very important school that I am trying to get you into, but you need to show her how smart you are because it costs a lot of money to go there.

Sam: How much money?

Me: A lot of dollars, more than a comedy writer makes...that is all I know. So, we need to impress her with stuff that you can do.

Sam: I will tell her lots of things to impress her, want to know what I will tell her?

Me: sure, what?

Sam: I will tell her that sometimes when I first waked up, my wiener turns into a statue.

Me: (in my head) I literally have no idea what to say in response to that.
Me: (out of my head) Maybe we shouldn't tell her about your penis honey, let's show her that you can write your name.

Sam: Sometimes it turns into a statue when I have to pee too, I bet she would like my wiener story better.

Me: I'm sure she would.