5 and a half years ago, my life consisted of sleeping,burritos and dropping entire paychecks on the Victoria's Secret semi annual sale. I was pretty sure I knew what motherhood would be like. I was wrong. I had visions of sanity,a clean home, and cats that weren't locked in the closet after being soaked with a 4 year old boys urine. Yes, I thought motherhood was one beautiful lucid moment to the next

...and then came Sam.

Sunday, February 14, 2010


See that panther and lion? See what they are playing in on my stairs? No my friends..it's not snow....it's sugar. An entire bag of sugar on my dining room stairs. Fucking A.

"Mom, I want to go away from you forever"

Me: Why is that

Sam: Because you put me in a time out.

Me: Where do you want to go then?

Sam: The middle of nowhere.

Me: You are going to be pretty lonely, do you want to bring one of the cats?

Sam: Pets aren't allowed in the middle of nowhere.

Me: Wow, that sucks. So do you want me to take you there right now?

Sam. No, I want to have my birthday party first, then I want you to take me.

Me: So First your party, then to the middle of nowhere. Got it.

Sam. Actually (his new favorite word) I want you to take my to Grandpas.

Me: So not the middle of nowhere?

Sam: No, I changed my mind.

Me: Why?

Sam: Because the middle of nowhere doesn't have ice cream.